Deschooling

Deschooling

Leave the mainstream school setting and enter the world of homeschooling.

Deschooling is a term I recently learned. Yes, there is something called deschooling, friends - and it has nothing to do with not schooling. It is also not the equivalent to unschooling.

Deschooling is that transitional period when you leave the mainstream school setting (whether it’s a public or private school) and enter the world of homeschooling. It’s a detox period. 

I can’t help but think of that scene in Finding Nemo when the sharks encounter Marlin and Dory in a naval mines yard, invite them to a “party”, and there begins what appears to be a fish-anonymous session. Bruce begins by introducing himself and announcing his success or shortcomings in overcoming his “addiction” of eating fish.  

Except deschooling goes something like this: “Hello, I’m Bruce and I’m a third-grader. I’ve been in a mainstream classroom my whole life. I’ve now been homeschooling for a week and I still keep putting on my school polo every morning. I forget that I can stay in my pajamas all day.”

It is often said amongst homeschool mamas - that their kids stay in their p.j. 's all day and have also been known to run around in their underwear. But that is mainly the younger students (hmm… I think), so please have no fear. I promise homeschoolers wear pants.

Parents also need to go through a period of deschooling. What does this mean? Well, Moms, it means that you can sip your coffee in the morning while you snuggle up on the couch with your kiddo, and start with your morning basket. A morning basket is a coined term, by homeschool moms, of books in a basket near your couch usually; where you pick a book from and read it out loud in the morning. Yes, Mom, you do not have to rush out the door anymore and get in the drop off line at school. Although in today’s COVID world the drop offline does not exist. It seems to be looking more like waiting for the teacher to let your child into the Zoom meeting, while you sit there wondering after about 20 minutes if she knows you are even there. Part of deschooling is getting used to the new rhythm of your morning.

Here are some tips to help you go through your deschooling/detoxing period, as you let go of the mainstream school culture as the norm. There’s a new normal. 

TIP #1: You have your own hours of operation.

You do not have to follow the traditional school hours of operation or calendar. That means that if your family prefers to start on their subjects later in the morning - they can. Your day could start slow. With a Bible story on the couch. We usually start our day around 9:00-9:30 a.m. Our kids wake up earlier, but they first read their Bible / Torah portion. Then they might draw in their art journals. Our 11-year-old Josiah is a history buff. He draws maps and logs in dates in his timeline book almost every morning. Our six and 8-year-olds will play. Sometimes they go outside and see what’s new in the garden with their Dad before he heads to work. Homeschooling allows you the freedom to create your schedule. 

TIP #2: You create your own calendar.

You do not have to follow the traditional school calendar. That means that if you want to take a family trip in October or February - you can. Homeschooling allows you the flexibility to do things or go places when most kids are in school. If your spouse travels for work, you may be able to tag along and make it an adventure. My husband has been in medical sales for about 20 years and he has had to travel at times. Because we homeschool, we have been able to join him often and make it an educational trip. While he was in conferences, the kids and I would go to museums or venture through the cobblestone streets of Boston - following the Freedom Trail’s red line through history. We have ventured through New York and San Francisco, escaping to art museums and bringing art history to life. We studied and visited the Alamo while on one of his business trips to San Antonio, Texas. There have been so many wonderful adventures over the years. The best learning happens outside the classroom. Embrace it. There is nothing traditional about homeschooling. You are going rogue, Mama! 

TIP #3: Your kiddo does not have to sit at a desk.

Homeschooling allows you the freedom to take your classroom anywhere or to any room in the house. Now, I do believe you should have a designated place in your home for learning. If your child works best at a desk in a quiet room, then you should try and accommodate them. I find that works best as children get into their teen years. In our home, we gather around our dining room table, where we have done the majority of our schooling for over 20 years. The younger students stay at the table and do their work, while the teens prefer to find a quiet space to themselves. Lucas, our 17-year-old likes taking his laptop or books outside and lounge on the outdoor sofa and do his schoolwork by the pool. David, our 14-year-old, prefers a quiet spot in the garden. Allow your child the freedom to find and create their place. Can I also say that some kids, especially boys, have a very hard time sitting still? When Lucas was young, he would do his schoolwork while sitting on a large exercise ball and he would jump in between math problems. I learned to just let it go and allow him to bounce. Learning does not have to happen behind a desk or sitting on a chair.

TIP #4: You do not need to know everything.

Mom, you do not need to know everything. If your child asks you how a clock works, just be honest and say: “I don’t know”. And then follow it with: “But let’s find out!” This will open up an opportunity to come alongside your child and guide him in his education. This will create a habit of self-learning that will follow them throughout their lives. 

TIP #5: Your kids do not need to be socialized with their same-aged peers.

Children are placed in the same age group classes because it’s easier for teachers. This was not always the case. The one-room schoolhouse was the norm before the Industrial Revolution; a room with various ages and grade levels. Children learned to socialize with others of different ages. Yes, they probably formed closer relationships with kids closer to their age and stage of development, but there was the opportunity to learn from those who were older and mentor those who were younger. Our schools have lost that, but through homeschooling, you can recreate the one-room schoolhouse. Not just within your own family, but with other homeschooling families in your community. 

Our younger children are not intimidated by older children or teens. There is not that fear the second-grader may experience with their upperclassmen in the 6th grade let’s say. Our teens have helped care for toddlers and babies. They do not look down on younger kids but find ways to connect with them. When our oldest daughter was a freshman at the university, she was not intimidated by upperclassmen or grad students. Never having experienced that intimidation one feels from upper classmates throughout the formative years, she preferred socializing and learning from those at the graduate level, as well as those in her class.  Our kids will not always work alongside those of their same age group. In the real world, we deal with all age groups.

TIP #6: They do not have to be at the same grade level in each subject.

In the typical classroom, students are placed in a grade level and the material is all for that grade level. It makes total sense. The problem is what happens if little Johnny is a whiz at math, but is not strong in reading, grammar, and writing? He gets bored in math and may even be discouraged from moving ahead in his favorite subject, just to keep him working alongside his classmates. Johnny will most likely act up during math because he’s bored and already knows the material. 

With homeschooling, your child can work ahead at a higher grade level, while still working on pace in other subjects. He or she can move at their own rhythm and capacity. This has happened with a couple of our children where they are very passionate about one subject. My seventeen-year-old hates reading but loves math. He is already into his third math course at the local community college and has received A’s. While he has done well in the college-level English courses and has also received an A, he hated reading and writing growing up. I never pushed too hard but was diligent about trying to keep him on track. I knew he was never going to be an aspiring author and that was ok with me. The opposite of that was our oldest daughter, who loved reading and writing but detested math. She was reading the Chronicles of Narnia at the age of six and writing novels around the age of thirteen. They are all different and homeschooling has allowed them to thrive in their interests and talents.

So, mama, let go of the mainstream school culture as the norm. Sip your coffee and allow your kids to tackle math in their p.j.’s! Allow yourself some freedom to find your rhythm; and remember that this deschooling period will soon flow into a beautiful time of learning and discovery with your little ones.